Get Better Results From Your Discussions

In the heat of the moment, we sometimes forget about the basic communication skills that help us get the most from our relationships. Here’s a refresher for you. Tips for focusing on points of view and not on winning the battle.
 
Six Tips to Help Support Your Speaker

1. Show that your goal is to simply hear what’s being said – not just to have your say. Instead of planning what you’re going to say next, stay present in the moment and focus on the speaker’s point of view. 
   
2. Pay close attention to what’s being said. Be able to repeat the speaker’s message, not your opinion of what was said. When the speaker is finished, show your commitment to a favorable outcome by repeating the speaker’s point of view in your own words. The speaker will appreciate that you were listening.
3. Use your positive energy while listening to the speaker. At appropriate times make a connection by nodding your head in agreement, shaking your head in agreement, or making good eye contact, for example. Your nonverbals that show that you’re actively listening will support the speaker.
4. Don’t allow the environment to distract you – focus on the speaker and the discussion. Suggest a change in location, if needed, to reduce distractions.
5. Respect the speaker by listening to WHAT is being said, not HOW it is being said – nobody likes their grammar, language, tone, or body language corrected when they are explaining themselves and their point of view. Choose your battles wisely. Is the speaker’s nonverbal communication more important than what’s being said?
6. Take responsibility for any confusion or misunderstanding about the speaker’s message. Ask questions for clarification. Apologize for your lack of clarity.

 
Six Tips to Help Support Your Point of View

1. Take responsibility for your point of view and state it clearly. Don’t expect the listener to guess the meaning of your words. Don’t assume that the listener has access to the same information that you have access to. What do you want the listener to know? Again, make no assumptions.
2. Assure that the listener understands the intent of what you’re saying by giving the listener opportunities to ask questions. Remain open to explaining the intent of your message. You may have to repeat your intent to the listener. Are you providing the listener with information or would you like action to occur as a result of the discussion?
3. Don’t look for agreement too quickly, just seek mutual understanding of points of view. Then find out if more information is required before agreement can be reached.
4. Has the listener understood your point of view much differently than how you intended? Does the listener look uncomfortable? Perhaps, angry? A good speaker is aware of the listener’s nonverbals such as a prolonged facial expression that reflects negative reactions to what’s being said., loss of eye contact, blank stare, eye-rolling, anxious tapping of the foot, hand, or fingers, etc. Is it possible that you’ve used a word or phrase that the listener found offensive? Do you need to ask? Do you need to take a break?
5. Your communication is part verbal (what you’ve said), and part nonverbal (how you’ve said it) It’s important to monitor your words and nonverbals to assure that the message that you intend to send is the message that you’ve sent.
6. Are you aware of your body language habits? Do you know that there are body language habits that communicate disinterest or hostility? Some of the more troublesome nonverbal habits are invading personal space with your body or hands, lack of response with staring, and poor eye contact. For additional examples, see 4 above. Do you have habits that could impede your communications?  Think about your nonverbal communication skills as you speak.  If the message you want to send and the message you send don’t seem to match up, consider how your nonverbal behavior could be affecting your message. If you often feel misunderstood, your body language may be the culprit.
   

Would you like more information about this topic? Or how about a brief, no-judgement discussion of your current situation? Contact my offices at (336) 999-4533 or email me at DonnaColes.Coach@gmail.com and we’ll schedule a time to discuss your personal development challenges and identify some options that will help.
 
Or, Click the following link to schedule your discussion with me.
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18102228 

Until then…